Conversion therapy, often referred to as reparative therapy, is a controversial and harmful practice aimed at changing an individual’s sexual orientation or gender identity. Despite being discredited and denounced by the medical and psychological communities, conversion therapy continues to be practiced in some areas. For those who have undergone this traumatic experience, the path to recovery can be long and filled with emotional and psychological challenges. In this article, we will explore the journey of a conversion therapy survivor, the effects of this practice, and the steps toward healing and reclaiming one’s true self.
What is Conversion Therapy?
Conversion therapy refers to a set of practices designed to change an individual’s sexual orientation or gender identity. These practices often involve psychological techniques, religious counseling, or other methods aimed at persuading the individual to abandon their natural identity. Conversion therapy is based on the false premise that being LGBTQ+ is a disorder that can be “cured.”
Although the practice has been condemned by major medical and psychological organizations such as the American Psychological Association (APA) and the American Medical Association (AMA), it continues to be promoted by some religious groups and therapists. The experience of those subjected to conversion therapy is often devastating, leaving lifelong scars.
The Emotional and Psychological Effects of Conversion Therapy
Being a conversion therapy survivor means living with the emotional and psychological trauma of having been subjected to harmful and invalidating practices. The impact of conversion therapy can be profound, leading to a range of emotional and mental health issues.
1. Feelings of Shame and Guilt
One of the most pervasive consequences of conversion therapy is the deep-seated shame and guilt that many survivors carry with them. Conversion therapy teaches individuals that their sexual orientation or gender identity is sinful or wrong, often using shame-based tactics to “correct” their identity. This can result in lifelong feelings of self-hatred, inadequacy, and guilt, as survivors internalize the negative messages they were told during therapy.
2. Anxiety and Depression
The emotional toll of conversion therapy often leads to anxiety and depression. The pressure to change one’s identity can cause intense emotional distress, and the fear of rejection or punishment for being true to oneself can exacerbate these feelings. Many survivors experience chronic sadness, hopelessness, and a sense of disconnection from others.
3. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
For some survivors, the trauma of conversion therapy can lead to symptoms similar to PTSD. Flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, and emotional numbness are common experiences for those who have undergone this practice. The psychological wounds inflicted during conversion therapy can create lasting trauma that requires extensive healing and support to overcome.
4. Difficulty with Relationships
Another challenge for conversion therapy survivors is the difficulty they may face in forming healthy, trusting relationships. The experience of coercion and manipulation can lead to distrust in others, especially in romantic relationships. Many survivors struggle with intimacy, fearing that they will be rejected for their true identity. These issues can lead to isolation and emotional distance from others.
The Path to Healing for Conversion Therapy Survivors
While the damage caused by conversion therapy can be significant, recovery is possible. The journey to healing requires support, time, and the right therapeutic interventions. Below are some essential steps for conversion therapy survivors to begin the process of healing and reclaiming their identity.
1. Finding a Supportive, Affirmative Therapist
The first step in the healing process for conversion therapy survivors is finding a therapist who is both supportive and affirming of their sexual orientation and gender identity. It is crucial to work with a therapist who understands the trauma caused by conversion therapy and has experience in helping survivors navigate the challenges of recovery. An affirmative therapist creates a safe space for survivors to process their experiences without fear of judgment or invalidation.
Therapists who specialize in trauma recovery can help survivors work through the emotional and psychological wounds left by conversion therapy. Therapy may involve techniques for managing anxiety, depression, and PTSD, as well as helping survivors reframe negative beliefs and embrace their authentic selves.
2. Addressing Shame and Rebuilding Self-Esteem
A significant part of the healing process is addressing the deep shame and guilt that many survivors carry with them. Conversion therapy often leads to feelings of worthlessness and a distorted sense of self. Therapy can help survivors work through these feelings, challenge the harmful messages they received, and replace them with affirming beliefs about themselves.
By learning to embrace their true identity, conversion therapy survivors can rebuild their self-esteem and develop a healthier sense of self-worth. This involves acknowledging the harm they endured and recognizing that their sexual orientation or gender identity is valid and deserving of love and acceptance.
3. Creating Healthy Boundaries and Trusting Relationships
Another important step in healing is learning how to set healthy boundaries and form trusting relationships. For many conversion therapy survivors, the experience of manipulation and coercion can make it difficult to trust others, particularly in intimate relationships. Therapy can provide survivors with the tools they need to build healthier connections with others, including setting boundaries, improving communication, and healing past relational wounds.
Building trust in others is a gradual process, but with the support of a compassionate therapist, survivors can begin to form meaningful relationships that are based on mutual respect, love, and understanding.
4. Understanding and Overcoming Internalized Homophobia or Transphobia
Many conversion therapy survivors struggle with internalized homophobia or transphobia, which occurs when individuals internalize society’s negative attitudes toward their sexual orientation or gender identity. Conversion therapy often reinforces these harmful beliefs, leading survivors to feel shame about their identity. Overcoming internalized homophobia or transphobia is a crucial part of healing.
Therapy can help survivors unpack these feelings, challenge societal stigma, and learn to embrace their sexual or gender identity without shame. This process may involve reframing negative beliefs, engaging with LGBTQ+ communities, and practicing self-acceptance.
5. Advocacy and Empowerment
A powerful part of the healing journey for conversion therapy survivors is finding ways to use their experiences to advocate for others. Many survivors find healing through activism, raising awareness about the dangers of conversion therapy, and supporting others who have been harmed by it.
By sharing their stories and advocating for change, survivors can reclaim their power and contribute to a broader movement of acceptance, equality, and LGBTQ+ rights. Empowerment through advocacy can help survivors feel a sense of purpose and community as they work to prevent future harm.
Conclusion: Healing and Reclaiming One’s Identity
The journey of a conversion therapy survivor is often difficult, but it is not one that must be faced alone. With the right therapeutic support, survivors can begin to heal from the emotional and psychological trauma caused by conversion therapy. Rebuilding self-esteem, developing healthy relationships, and reclaiming one’s authentic identity are all possible with time, support, and the courage to embrace who they truly are.
If you or someone you know has experienced the trauma of conversion therapy, it is never too late to begin the healing process. Support is available, and therapy can offer a safe space to process past experiences and create a healthier, more fulfilling future.
For more information and to find compassionate support David A. Matheson. Healing is possible, and you deserve to live authentically and with peace of mind